I'm not crazy

I recently entered a SAQA show, "I'm not crazy." It is a show about anxiety, depression, and much more serious aspects of mental illness. While I do not enter that many shows (2 so far to be exact),  I  feel like I "own anxiety" so I decided to give it a go. My work for the last 2 or so years has been dealing with lots of anxiety and some mental illness in my family- so I had lots to choose from- or so I thought. Turns out that almost all of the pieces I had recently completed were too big to fit in. I was fit to be tied when I realized that, so I defaulted to some pieces that were smaller that I had finished in early 2010.

On Saturday afternoon I glanced at my email out at the farmhouse. I saw that I had an email from SAQA, and my heart started to beat. It was a rejection notice that I read out loud to my mother and husband who were standing nearby. This was followed by a certain amount of rationalization- not my newest work, abstraction no one understands, photo could have been better..... All in all I was taking it fairly well. Then two minutes later, another email- it was SAQA rejecting the second piece. Heartbreak and disappointment again. Followed by more excuses.

Then a minute later, yet another email. I almost did not open it up figuring that I really did not need abuse three times. Happily I did open it up, and it yielded better results this time. I got a piece in. My mother and husband danced a jig, I gave up on the excuses and went from downcast to being pleased for a few seconds. After which point my mind veered south again, telling my family it was no big deal- after all it was not Quilt National or AQA. It was just a smaller national show... nothing to crow about really. Then of course I realized how stupid that was- I have always wanted to be in a SAQA show- but the devil on my competitive side was minimizing my accomplishments once again. 

Thought for a while and came to the realization, "Who says I'm not crazy?"!