A big fat concrete wall

Wednesday. I am pretty hard on myself and today was a difficult day although I think I learned a few things. I am floundering around. Have been for the last two days. Going back and forth between motifs and configurations. And hitting several roadblocks.
I spent way too much time piecing together some parallel lines and ended up nowhere. I guess it is good that I got that out of my system but not until dinner was served. After dinner I decided to go back to my original configuration and I cut out lots of pieces to play with.
Just an hour ago I woke up at 4 am and realized I had not incorporated any flat colors. Felt like a bad student! But I also came up with a strategy for Thursday. I will just play with the motif and photograph the configurations. I probably will not sew.
I am so task oriented. And when I do not finish an assignment I feel bad. I think it might be time to ditch the Puritan work ethic here and allow myself to play without completing anything. That is a tall order for me and will take some work. I have to get over the fear of failure and realize that I will produce junk. It's just that it is hard to do that in a barn full of people. I realize that working alone is safer. I can make junk and no one has to see the failures. At the barn I am much more exposed.
That has good and bad points. I am probably pushing myself harder and not giving up. On the other hand I feel somewhat embarrassed at not coming up with anything. And yet I know I am learning things that will help me later. I am not accustomed to not being successful. I guess it is time to learn that. So in a way I have hit a great big concrete wall. But there is a tiny light shining through the crack.