I went for a physical a few weeks before the election and discussed ending some anti-anxiety medicine that I have been taking a very low dose of for several years. Running a business during a recession was difficult, but as I have acclimated to retirement, I figured that I would have less stress and anxiety. Well, much of that is true, however, after the recent election, I decided to continue my course of medication for a bit.
I am not going to talk politics here. Those of you who know me, know my leanings. But clearly anxiety comes out in strange ways especially when you try to suppress feelings. And last night I had two horrible dreams- both having to do with quilting.
The first dream I had was that I was on an airplane going to a workshop at the Crow Barn and someone stole my beloved iron. I looked all over for it, but it was gone. Now, that might not seem like a nightmare, (and Sandy I know you understand this dream completely!) but the only iron that was unclaimed was a lightweight cheap one. I felt like I had lost a dear friend.
The second dream was about getting to the Barn but the only space left was crammed with 4 other designers and each of us only had about a foot of space. I could not figure out how I was going to do large compositions in such a confined area and I started to panic. And the people on each side of me were doing very very traditional work. In my mind I tried to be grown up about this, but I was getting upset.
Now I am not usually prone to interpreting dreams. But the second one seems pretty clear to me. I have been coming to the conclusion that my experiments with my indigo fabric demand smaller compositions. And the word "small" has not been in my vocabulary. I have come to this conclusion based on a series of factors- mostly technical. This fabric does not bend very easily and if you try to quilt it on a smaller machine it leaves cracks in the fabric. Some of those cracks I like and some not so much. Also I like the shiny part of the fabric in small doses. So I have been thinking about doing a series of smaller compositions.
Well that might not seem like a bold move to most, but as someone who is used to working large and who loves large scale, I feel a bit like a traitor to the cause. In fact I have been working on a very large piece to counterbalance the small studies I have been doing- perhaps to assuage the guilt.
So, bottom line. Bad dreams or not... Reality or not....
Politics or not.... I have decided that my anti-anxiety meds are still necessary.