One week and coasting

The Day After No. 3- It is actually squared up but my iPhone photo is not great....
In one week I travel to Ohio for my two week "sabbatical" at the Crow Barn. And as usual, my stomach has butterflies, but for some different reasons this year. For the last several years I have gone to master classes or dyeing workshops- and neither are particularly high stress. Now I am up for a new challenge and will be experiencing the yin and yang of Crow.

For the first week I am going to participate in Dorothy Caldwell's Human Marks class. This is so far out of my comfort zone and I am looking forward to trying my hand at new techniques and working at a different scale. But I also fret at bit.... but that is just part of my DNA. Having met Dorothy before I can feel her sense of calm and non-judgemental nature. And I am going to need that if I ever want to stretch.

Week 2 is harder. I will be taking Nancy's large scale composition course. And I am really comfortable doing large scale compositions. What I am both excited and scared of are the timed exercises. I took this course because I wanted the challenge of timed exercises, but now I am worried that I may fall behind.

My shoulders and wrists are just not reliable right now. Some days and nights they are  great, and some they are not so good. And I know that Nancy does not put up with excuses, so physical constraints are my problem, not hers. I am looking forward to the Crow Barn environment, but I know that I can no longer be the first one in the barn in the morning and the last one out. Physically that is not going to happen.

I should be more grown up and confident in this point of my life. But that is still elusive.
Here's an example. I recently entered "New Legacies: Contemporary Art Quilts  at the Lincoln Center in Ft Collins. I entered three wildly different pieces since I wanted to get some newer work out there. I looked in my email every few hours and finally got a note informing me that two pieces did not get in. And I felt crushed.... which I know is stupid- but it went straight to my sense of discomfort. Then about 8 hours later I got a notice that one of my pieces got in.... and my personal pendulum swung to the other side.

Now this is just stupid. I should have a better sense of my own work at this point, and I know intellectually that competitions are the worst way to measure self worth. I know that I have to start to be more disciplined about getting more one woman shows since that is where my work shines. But that is hard work, and I find it tedious. So for the uncertain future I guess I will just coast.