|The Day After No. 3- It is actually squared up but my iPhone photo is not great....|
For the first week I am going to participate in Dorothy Caldwell's Human Marks class. This is so far out of my comfort zone and I am looking forward to trying my hand at new techniques and working at a different scale. But I also fret at bit.... but that is just part of my DNA. Having met Dorothy before I can feel her sense of calm and non-judgemental nature. And I am going to need that if I ever want to stretch.
Week 2 is harder. I will be taking Nancy's large scale composition course. And I am really comfortable doing large scale compositions. What I am both excited and scared of are the timed exercises. I took this course because I wanted the challenge of timed exercises, but now I am worried that I may fall behind.
My shoulders and wrists are just not reliable right now. Some days and nights they are great, and some they are not so good. And I know that Nancy does not put up with excuses, so physical constraints are my problem, not hers. I am looking forward to the Crow Barn environment, but I know that I can no longer be the first one in the barn in the morning and the last one out. Physically that is not going to happen.
I should be more grown up and confident in this point of my life. But that is still elusive.
Here's an example. I recently entered "New Legacies: Contemporary Art Quilts at the Lincoln Center in Ft Collins. I entered three wildly different pieces since I wanted to get some newer work out there. I looked in my email every few hours and finally got a note informing me that two pieces did not get in. And I felt crushed.... which I know is stupid- but it went straight to my sense of discomfort. Then about 8 hours later I got a notice that one of my pieces got in.... and my personal pendulum swung to the other side.
Now this is just stupid. I should have a better sense of my own work at this point, and I know intellectually that competitions are the worst way to measure self worth. I know that I have to start to be more disciplined about getting more one woman shows since that is where my work shines. But that is hard work, and I find it tedious. So for the uncertain future I guess I will just coast.